Kay:

Hey there, Questers, and welcome back. It’s Friday, November 19th, and this is episode 470. We have a quote for you today from one of the best Fri-yay people. I feel like if Fri-yay was real this person would be an embodiment of Fri-yay, and this quote is coming at you today from the one and only Ellen DeGeneres.

Shi:

She tells us, “Sometimes you can’t see yourself clearly until you see yourself through the eyes of others.”

Kay:

I can see clearly now that I don’t see me through me.

Shi:

Well, when we can truly take that imagination and put our perspective into someone else’s supposed perspective, we might not get it right. But what we can do is relax our grip on what we believe is our identity or our worth or our value or our position, and consider it from another angle from another person’s perspective. This allows us to really open up and give some flexibility to our thoughts and to our own understanding of who we are, which then can actually offer us more clarity. So, it might seem like that would muddy our clarity of waters taking this different perspective, but it can really help us, and it can definitely help us when we’re maybe feeling a little bit uncertain.

Kay:

You know what’s one of our favorite ways to engage in seeing ourselves through the eyes of others? It’s not necessarily in getting feedback from another person from a verbal perspective, but seeing where we stack up in the eyes of others’ analysis tests. So, we invest a lot in DISC Profile Analysis, Strengthfinder. We’ve done Emergenetics, and every single time that we work through some kind of a personality endeavor or a motivator endeavor, we really learn a lot of things about ourselves. Now, that’s not necessarily seeing us through the eyes of another personality, but it’s seeing ourselves through the eyes of someone else’s measure, and it gives us a lot of insight into who we are and how we operate.

Shi:

I think as well, from a personal relationship standpoint, this can be really helpful advice when it comes to your significant other or your kids or those that are really close to you or maybe even your coworkers. But when we think about our significant relationships and kind of get down to this personal level, seeing ourselves through the eyes of others. I don’t know about you guys, but I’ve been in heated moments with Chad where I’m all-encompassed with how I feel, what’s happening to me, the injustice or my position, and my righteousness to my opinion, and I get mad at myself. You know when you’re mad and you’re heated and you don’t want to hear the objective talk, but hopefully, you’ve trained your voice like we have in your head and it will still say to you, “Well, what’s going on in Chad’s head right now?” or “What’s happening in your kids’ heads? How do your kids see this interaction?”

When you can really do that, you’re like, “Alright, I can see where I’m reacting emotionally, or maybe not considering this point of view or hadn’t considered all of the facts.” Or when I put myself in their shoes, I can see that that wasn’t the best time to approach them. They just came home from school. They haven’t had a snack yet. They’ve been working all day. They want their time to unwind, or it was, I hit them first thing in the morning, and I didn’t give any warmup conversation. Then when you do that and you’re able to take that perspective, it can also help you clearly see how your reactions are being received and what impact they’re having, which can help you adjust future behavior.

Kay:

Well, let’s flip that coin now too and put you in the shoes of potentially feeling like you are unworthy and looking at yourself through the eyes of your loved ones, and maybe being able to see the things that are positive about you, because if other people love you, chances are you’re worth loving. So, hey, if you’re feeling down on yourself or having a bad day, try to see yourself through the eyes of the people who love you. I know I lean on this often, especially if I’m starting to feel insecure about my physical beauty. I remember that my husband is always lovingly attracted to me. He calls me beautiful. He says that I’m beautiful. He affirms that for me and that is good enough. Being able to see myself through those eyes helps me to be more confident.

Shi:

What a great take on that, Kay. I love that you brought that forward, and I think that that’s so powerful and helpful. It’s kind of been a theme this week just how do others support each other and how do others bring forward maybe more perspective or more power in our beliefs in our accomplishments. This is such an accurate, I think, reflection of that same concept.

Kay:

Yep. So just as a reminder, when Ellen DeGeneres tells us, “Sometimes you can’t see yourself clearly until you see yourself through the eyes of others.”

Shi:

Alright. It is your #Fri-yay Quest today. Alright, what’s great about, being you? Today and over the weekend, take a little time out to be present and in the moment and really think about what’s unique and special about you. What would your best friends say about who you are and why you’re great? Allow yourself to take that perspective, to see yourself through the eyes of those others, and to borrow their belief and feel bolstered today and through the weekend. We hope you have a great one and if you’re ready…

Kay:

Let’s quest!